Naked. Ready. And I always push it away, bite my lips, and keep walking. I ache in my very soul to hear the sounds of male laughter, to feel a drunken finger push my hair out of my face, then hook my chin and pull me in. The one who called me Sugar used to wait until he was nearly too drunk to stand, then push me against the bathroom sink and have me. His curly hair in my shoulder, biting my breast. I don’t even remember most of it, just having a throat too sore to protest when my best friend would pull me from the mattress on the floor. She’d help me on with my pants and cardigan, shove me into her car, and never say a word. Her shame was equal to mine, and we kept each other’s secrets. Such friendship is so rare, it may as well be considered impossible to find. But naturally even she disappeared from my life just as easily as the rest, especially when the love of my life told me he fantasized about her. I could never see her the same way as before, after picturing him entering. She smiled at me and unbuttoned one more button and asked "does it look better like this? Or that" as she re-buttoned the button. Without missing a beat, I replied "did you try unbuttoning 2 more buttons?". For some reason this makes her crack up and she stands up, approaches me, and slaps me on the chest...but then she unbuttons 2 more buttons, gets closer, and starts rubbing my chest then starts to kiss me then pulls back.She then pushes me and tells me to sit her chair. She unbuttons her shirt completely, revealing her bra, and proceeds to get on her knees and unbuckle my pants.She blows me for maybe 90 seconds total and my head is spinning and I'm done. Then she looked up at me and laughed, buttoned her self back up and said "go on and get out of here".I got to the bar that night and my friends drinks were on me.The next night when I walked in, I say my hello, and she proceeds to direct me steP by step exactly what I needed to do and exactly how I was going to fuck her. The first.
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